Welcome to the site Being Pa.
The featured image is a picture of the original “Pa” in Little House on the Prairie.
When it dawned on me I was about to become a father, I began to meditate on what name I wanted to be called by my children.
Dad, Daddy, Father, Baba I considered many variations.
“I will hear this name millions of times in my life,” I realized, “better choose something I like.”
I settled on Pa, because of the quaint sound and the humor I would get hearing little voices yell “Pa! Pa!”
I was inspired by this man’s character in the old stories of Little House on The Prairie. He could hunt, fish, farm, tell a good story, work hard, play hard, sing, dance, play the fiddle, and carve a life out of hardship and wilderness for his family.
The stories about him and his character were an inspiration of a wild and free spirit, a well rounded, exuberant man.
As the years progress I realize the light hearted and fun side of Charles Ingalls was a testimony to his inner strength. Many times the brutality of life, struggle for existence or soul numbing work can sap the joyful aspects of being into meaningless drudgery.
What is so significant about being a Dad?
As a father, you are the first person your child encounters that has a conscious choice to accept them.
As a consequence, your presence or lack of it, tacitly gives meaning to much of the world around you. If you interpret difficulties as challenges, your children will subconsciously view problems as adventures.
If you are overwhelmed by the daily struggles of life, your offspring will unavoidably struggle with that mindset.
Many of us face the non–presence of a father from a young age. That frequently leads to a difficult journey out of the morass of doubt, “Does anything matter?”
I paint with broad strokes. I am not referring to a “curse” or scientific law, but to a unspoken sense we have all felt in a intuitive way.
The man who participated in our biological origin has undue influence on our state of being.
My operational definition of father is: One Who Interprets the Meaning of Events. We know a good father by gestalt; even if we had a bad one, we can instinctively feel what he “should have been”.
Does everything mean nothing?
Does everything have a purpose that can be used for good?
If you find yourself struggling with driving emotions and thoughts like this, your father, or lack of a father, may be a good place to start your journey to setting things right.
The posts on this sight are a personal record of some of the experiences and mindsets I have found helpful and transformative in my quest to become the Pa I would want to have.
I am grateful to my own father who taught me life is an adventure and to embrace it with enthusiasm and vigor. As an adult I look back on my childhood and wonder how he was not paralyzed with fear on some of the wild escapades we went on. Many things that he told me, and showed me, have guided me through my adult years with confidence.
I see many of the things he said, and I accepted as truth, guided my decisions long before I had the experience to make good choices.
Being: Existence in the Present
We are human beings, not human “doings” –Dr. Wayne Dyer
Being is the other aspect of fatherhood. Too many times I hear the lament, “They grew up so fast,” If the childhood years were consumed with the stress and uncertainty of striving for success in accomplishment and not relationship, these lost moments are a source of deep pain.
Mindfulness, focusing on the present and not the barrage of Urgency that yells for your attention, is a powerful tool we have to maximize effectiveness as a father figure.
Whether you are a biological father, hoping to be one, terrified by the thought of fatherhood, struggling with painful memories of a bad father or totally neutral, I believe orienting around an identity of what being a Good Pa is gives a good goal for us all.
As I work on developing the skills and character qualities to perform this role well I challenge and invite you to join me in Being Pa.